There are many reasons why people comfort others. Some want that person to feel better, while others do it for themselves. They desire to console others for their selfish reason to resolve the struggles and pain of losing someone they loved.
But both intentions would eventually happen to anyone as they age. Death is something that no one can avoid, no matter what they do. It can occur to us at any time and anywhere.
That is why when you should lose one you loved, you have to choose either one of the two choices: to comfort or let others console you. Note that no man is an island, and in times of grief, it is hard to feel okay as if nothing happens.
Just think about this.
The person you have known since birth is no longer there with you. He will not be able to call your names, eat, dance, sing nor cook for you. All of these things will only remain as memories. Something that you can never do again since they are not there anymore.
As the person closest to the deceased, this is painful. Even more, for their bereaved family and significant other, which is why it is a good idea to stay strong and comfort them. Just being there with them can also console your grieving heart.
Besides saying condolence and giving a funeral wreath in Singapore, there are many things you should do to comfort someone who is grieving. Keep in mind that your words and actions can be a solace to help them deal with the death of a loved one.
WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN COMFORTING SOMEONE WHO LOSES A LOVED ONE?
We all know that death is inevitable. It will naturally happen since it is an essential part of life, so as they say. But when that day comes to anyone close to us, accepting death is not that easy.
At first, it feels like a dream that we want to escape from, so it will not come true. Then again, reality will hit you once you see a condolence flower stand beside a coffin of the deceased. The cries of people around will wake your senses, and you have no choice but to stay strong.
As such, you have the strength to comfort others for their loss, too. To help you console them in this situation, take note of the following.
CHECK ON THEM.
As you know, it is painful to lose someone. You may experience sorts of things such as having trouble sleeping, eating or even the ability to think straight. That is why you should make an effort to check on your friend or family. Give them a quick phone call or invite them for a cup of coffee. These simple gestures would make them feel better. They would know that someone out there still cares for them.
UNDERSTAND THE BEREAVEMENT PROCESS.
When a loved one dies, grieving is not the only thing we feel during the bereavement process. The truth is there are five stages people go through to cope up with the death of a loved one. Each does not have a turnaround time since dealing with it depends on the person grieving.
Here are the five stages a grieving person will go through.
- Denial: It is an emotion anyone feels when they do not want to believe about the death of their beloved.
- Anger: As the bereaved person realises the truth of the situation, they will become enraged about how helpless they are.
- Bargaining: Once their anger subsides, they will start uttering what if or if only they do this or that. This feeling entangled with regret of not doing anything to save the deceased.
- Depression: It is an overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness.
- Acceptance: It means that the bereaved family concedes that they cannot bring the deceased back to life no matter what they do.
As you consider these five stages of grief, you would be able to comfort others more. That is why it is crucial to understand them before consoling someone.
LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS.
As most elders say, listening is often the best way to help someone. When you are in the presence of someone grieving, be there. Just sitting by their side is enough to make them feel better.
But make sure to pay attention to what they are telling you, so they know that you are indeed listening to their words.
LET THEM CRY.
That is the most crucial part of grief and healing. Once the bereaved person lets out all the angst they have in their heart and mind, it would be easier for them to move forward. They would not have any problem commemorating their death with a condolence flower stand and visiting their grave in person.
You might think twice before doing this, but there is nothing wrong with asking questions. The only reason why people hesitate to do this is that they are afraid of upsetting someone who is grieving. They do not want to make a mistake that would make the bereaved person mourn more than it is.
But asking questions would also make them feel better as long as you know what you should discuss with them. Here are just a few that you might want to ask.
- Can you tell me what happened that day?
- Do you need help with the funeral plans?
- Is there anything I can do to help?
OFFER PRACTICAL HELP.
Since death can make anyone neglect their basic needs, you should be there to take care of them. Keep in mind that offering this kind of help would alleviate their struggle as they grieve.
Just in case you have no idea what practical help you should offer, consider doing the following.
- Run some errands.
- Do their house chores.
- Cook meals for them.
- Take care of their kids (if they have any)
- Pay bills on their behalf.
- Get their laundry done.
Doing these things might seem excessive, but when comforting someone, there is nothing too much help.
NOTE IMPORTANT DATES.
Grieving does not only happen when the deceased dies. A bereaved person experiences this feeling all over again when the death anniversary comes. The day to commemorate the date of their passing.
That is why you should also comfort them when that day comes. Do not worry because knowing the date of the death anniversary is enough. It means you care so much for the deceased and them.
WHAT SHOULD I AVOID DOING WHEN COMFORTING A BEREAVED PERSON?
Consoling someone who is grieving is a good idea. Your comfort can make the bereaved person feel better. But there are a few reminders you should keep in mind when helping and supporting them.
Here, look at the behaviours you should avoid during the process of consoling them.
TRYING TO FIX THEM.
As you know, grieving is not a problem that you need to solve. It is a feeling that naturally happens when you lose someone you loved. That is why you should not try fixing this matter.
If you do, there are consequences such as making the bereaved person think they are the problem. As such, they will force themselves to feel better, repressing their actual emotions inside. And that is not a good thing since negative thoughts can lead to something else.
INVALIDATE THEIR GRIEF.
When you have heard the bereaved person cry, let them be. Because if you ask them to stop, you are only invalidating their grief. The same logic applies if you say these phrases.
- Everything will be okay.
- You will get over it soon.
- You will be okay in time.
- You will be fine.
You might think these phrases sound comforting to hear, but it means something else to the bereaved person. They would think that you do not care about them nor the deceased. To prevent this kind of misunderstanding from happening, be still and stay there. Make sure to listen once you say condolence and give the funeral flowers in Singapore.
COMMENTS ON THEIR LOOKS.
No matter how haggard a bereaved person becomes, never comment on their appearance, not unless they look pale and sick. If the latter happens, bring them to the hospital or nurse them at home.
But if they feel alright and not ill, just let them be. Remember, the way they look has nothing to do with their grief. What you should make sure of is that they are feeling okay and not missing their meals or sleep. Otherwise, they will become weak and healthy, causing them to have health problems.
PUSH YOUR FAITH IN THEM.
When someone is grieving, it seems alright to share religious belief to make them feel better. But this way of comforting is wrong since their faith might be different to what you believe in life. As such, you might get into arguments if you keep pushing them this or that and relate it to the deceased.
LEAVE PLATITUDE REMARKS
If you are not familiar with the word platitude, it is a cliche statement with moral content. Even though most of the phrases are thoughtful, some remarks are insulting to hear.
Here are just a few you should not ever say to the bereaved person or family.
- They are better off now since (insert the deceased name) is no longer here.
- He or she would not want you to be sad.
- He or she would be sad seeing you like this.
Take note that when you comfort a bereaved person, your words and actions can make them feel better or break their heart to pieces. That is why you should be careful of whatever you do. As much as possible, think more than twice of what you are about to say and do.
HOW SHOULD I CONSOLE A CHILD IN GRIEF?
Just like adults, children have different ways of coping with death. Some may cry silently, while others would never stop asking where the deceased is.
To help you deal with them, here are the dos and don’ts you need to follow. Doing so would help you comfort a grieving child.
- Use clear and concise words. For example, I have sad news to tell you. Uncle (or whoever passed away) died today.
- Let your child know what they can expect since the deceased person is no longer there.
- Talk about the rituals so they would know what to do during the funeral.
- Give them a role if they agree to do so like receiving a condolence flower stand given by a friend or acquaintance of the deceased.
- Be patient and let them talk when they want to.
- Give them time to heal.
- Make your child feel better, like ask them what they want to do.
- Act as if nothing happened. If you do such a thing, your child will feel worse than it is.
- Tell them how they should feel. Every child is a person, so do not try to control your child’s emotions.
- Asking hypothetical questions like what if I die. Doing this would make the child feel worse.
- Take your grief on them.
BE COMFORTING WHEN CONSOLING SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING.
As mentioned before, being there with a bereaved person does not only help them. Your comfort can also console you in return. It can make you feel happy and more relieved inside. As such, when you recall the memories you had with the deceased, they would no longer be painful.
That is why if you know someone you know lost a loved one recently because of COVID-19 or other diseases, be there for them. Even if you are there in person, sending a condolence wreath can comfort their grieving heart. Just make sure to choose the flower to convey your sympathy.
Just in case you have no idea where you should get a condolence flower stand, go to Flowers and Kisses. Here you could choose the right flower that would convey your condolences more than words can do.